Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day. Fantasy vs Reality.

When I was pregnant with Baby, I remember looking forward to celebrating Mother's Day as a mother.  I imagined that I would be sleeping in that Sunday morning, woken up by my giggling baby and husband carrying in breakfast for me to enjoy in bed.  On the tray would be single stem flower picked by Baby out of our flourishing garden and a handmade card with scribbles only a mother could appreciate.

After breakfast, I would finally depart my comfortable bed and as I walked through the rest of the house, I felt a sense of calm realizing that my entire home was clean from top to bottom.  There wouldn't be clothes everywhere, remnants of Baby's last snack on the fireplace, or little sharp toys waiting to attack the soles of my feet.

I would then take a leisurely shower alone, not having to worry about Baby underfoot playing slip and slide as she soaped up her feet and slid across the tub.  Also in this vision, my child was being so heavily entertained by Boyfriend that she didn't even have the opportunity to bang on the door screaming she wanted to join me.  A guilt free, solo shower.

Once my shower was complete and I finished drying my hair (maybe even makeup-I wouldn't have to worry that my walls would be colored with my lipstick!) we would depart the house to enjoy the day outside at a park, or any place that we could enjoy the gorgeous spring day.  A picnic lunch would appear complete with my favorite foods and a wide selection of desserts.

Upon our arrival back home, we would take a family nap.  I would be the first to fall asleep and stay asleep-Boyfriend would make sure that Baby fell asleep as well and if she didn't, he would quietly keep her entertained so that I wouldn't wake until I felt refreshed.

We would end the day eating the dinner Boyfriend cooked me, and after as I played with Baby in our clean house, he would do the dishes. I would get ready for bed and be completely refreshed, ready for the next week ahead. A day so perfectly relaxing, a day just for me.

Just like many other things I had envisioned prior to actually having Baby around, reality didn't quite align with my fantasy.  I had romanticized the day so much in my head that I allowed myself to be disappointed when it was nothing like I had played out in my head.  

I watch my Facebook feed of posts scrolling by with all these mother's posting how their Mother's Day was going.  The gifts, the efforts made for them, the brags, it would get to me.  Mother's Day isn't really celebrated in our household.  We don't really buy tangible gifts for each other on any occasion, and honestly I am ok with that.  In fact, I prefer it.

What made me sad though, was seeing how what seemed like every other mother was being celebrated.  I wanted the same, I wanted to feel like I was being celebrated.  And then today, as we were lying in bed trying during nap time, as Boyfriend snored away and I couldn't sleep because Baby didn't want to nap and someone had to make sure she didn't burn the house down, I realized I was being just silly.

Today is just one day out of the year.  I have the same exact viewpoint on Valentine's Day, and don't care one ounce to even recognized that day beyond maybe the excuse to eat more candy.  I feel that strongly because Boyfriend spends the entire year showing me the attention, love and dedication that sadly some partners only reserve for that special day.

Same with Mother's Day.  Beyond anything-Boyfriend is the ideal co-parent.  I can sleep in any morning I want.  If I ever wanted to take a solo nap, all I have to do is ask.  If I wanted that shower by myself, he would play with Baby long enough to keep her entertained.  Getting the opportunity to do my hair and make up might be pushing it, but he would try.

I've taken for granted the fact that he considers himself completely as responsible for Baby as I am.  I'm not saying that he is a rare breed, but many of those same women bragging on Facebook that I was envious of today also will make references about how they have to convince their husbands to babysit the kids so they can go out on a girls night.  Not only do I do girls nights multiple times a month, Boyfriend never even blinks an eye when I tell him I am going to be going out of town for an entire weekend.

Boyfriend celebrates me on the daily by being an equal parent.  He acknowledges my hard work, just as I recognize his.  He buys me flowers just because, not because a note on the calendar tells him it would be wise to.  He cooks me dinner most nights, and a good portion of those nights, he does the dishes too because I'm lazy like that. 

I still look forward to the years when my child is old enough to recognize Mother's Day and pick me flowers and make me cards.  Until then though, I am going to stop comparing and remember just how much I truly am celebrated as a mother by my family.



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