Friday, February 7, 2014

Mom's Can't Get Sick (and Other Lies I Tell Myself)

This week has been a hard one for me, somewhat physically but more so mentally.  To sum things up, I developed a bladder infection and while I have had many in my life due to some internal plumbing issues, never has one knocked me out the way this one has.  Without going into too many physical details since that doesn't matter much, this was actually not your standard infection and had other things going on surrounding it (though we didn't find that out until lab results came back today) that explain why this wasn't "just a bladder infection".

What did impact me the most though was the lesson I learned that sometimes I really do have to take a step back, stop trying to control what I have no control over and take care of myself.  Not going to work for nearly an entire week is something I have never had to do-ever. If I'm not contagious, I'm at work (I am not one of those jerks who come to work spreading germs that will get others sick, that is just so unkind).  

It was extremely hard for me to allow myself to be sick.  When you are a mom-the household doesn't stop.  I don't mean the cleaning or cooking, because let's be real-I don't do that when I am feeling my best.  But emotionally I feel the pressure to be "on" until my family is asleep.  I can't make myself check out and put myself first.

I feel the same way about work.  I love that I am a working mother, and while I do it because financially I have to-even if I didn't, there isn't a doubt that I would still work part time.  I love having something that I can call mine.  No one else in my life gets to take that away from me, I take immense pride in my work and love what I do.  So for me to also have to put that on the back burner to just sit on the couch, well that is really hard for me.

After an entire week, I can finally say that I am feeling better.  I am still weaker than before last Friday but at this point it would be hard for me to tell if that is because I was sick or just pregnant.  I look back and nothing imploded at home or work, my family managed just fine, and now on Monday I can go back to work being able to give my 100% instead of only a percentage of that had I tried to push myself before I was physically ready.  

It is strange to me, I have no issue claiming some "me time" from my family.  I will get massages randomly, make sure to get semi-regular pedicures or just take an afternoon to shop alone.  But when it comes to being physically off, I just don't give myself the same allowance and I'm so thankful for family at both home and work that push me to put myself first.
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