Friday, August 22, 2014

One Week Left

In seven short days from now, I will be back at work turning on my dual monitors that have remained dark for the last 14 weeks.
With Baby, I was ready to go back to work.  More than ready, in fact by six weeks I had started scheming ways to return part time but my wise boss told me not to even consider it-I would regret it.  And I'm so thankful she imparted that bit of wisdom upon me because the next six weeks are some of my sweetest memories.  And when I finally did return to work, I dropped Baby off with the grandmother and had no hesitations.
This time my feelings are quite different.  I'm not at all worried about leaving Pillow-she will be with my mother until early next year, at which point we will start taking her to Baby's awesome home daycare.  Also like last time, I am excited to have routine back and to start "real life" with two kids.  Maternity leave is so far from reality, it truly was a blissful state.  I slept in until 11:00 a.m. every morning cuddling my newborn.  As I nursed on the couch I would play hide and seek with Baby (I had to guess where she was by her voice).  I developed crushes on the Scott Brothers from HGTV.

I have no desire to be a stay at home mother, genuinely.  It doesn't fit my personality and I'm extremely lazy (see Boyfriend-I do admit it).  While financially we could afford for me to stay home, we would have to be extremely cautious of our spending and I enjoy not having to worry about going out to eat far too often or taking advantage of my flight benefits and going to the beach for an impromptu weekend trip.  Selfishly, I love having my career as MY thing.  I enjoy working hard and being successful and knowing it was totally just me-no one else in my family can touch that.  Of course I couldn't do it without their support, but ultimately it is up to me if I succeed or not.

I guess what is different this time is that I know how things go from here on out.  I have been extremely cognizant of savoring my moments.  Spending time to just sit there and stare at my sleeping beauty, willing the seconds to just slow down a bit.

I know that once I start work again, my days are going to fly by that I when I start to think about it, my breath catches because it is all just too fast.  I'm going to get caught up in the scheduling, and organizing of life to be able to enjoy just being.  I'm not going to be able to stay up until midnight playing with my baby who just woke and is in a talkative mood because we have to get up in the morning.  I am not someone who can function on a lack of sleep (which explains my 11 a.m. wake-up calls) so I am going to spend way too much time working to get my children to sleep when all I want to do is be with them.
I know that four weeks from now, once I have started to get back in the groove, I will be able to look back at this moment and have a different perspective.  But for the next seven days, I'm holding my baby extra tight.  I am spending as many moments kissing my kids and laughing with them.  I'm not worried about the state of the house or any other non-emotionally fulfilling tasks.  This is the last seven days I will have with the two of them where work isn't a part of me so I am going to give them all of me.
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